HE is someone when I have NO one

I don't know what is the condition of my heart today. Like the lyrics of the song, I'm experiencing joy, fear, pain and the likes. Different emotions to my everyday life. I am afraid to face the future. I don't know what will happen next. Will I be hurt in the coming years? Can I still fulfill my duties? Will I still fulfill my dreams? My answer is I can and I will. But how will I start when my heart today feels afraid?

Bro, help me face this another path in my life. I like to do it on my own but I don't know where and how to start. Please guide me throughout my journey for Your Greater Glory.

I still don't want to think what will happen in the coming days. I want to be ready for what will happen next. I am still working on those things that will make me stronger and braver and assure myself that when that time comes, I am already confident and have the courage to face the life on my own.

Let me share you this nice song:

Your Heart Today
music and words by
Manoling V. Francisco, SJ
arrange by: Francisco .Z. Reyes



Where there is fear I can allay
Where there is pain I can heal
Where there are wounds I can bind
And hunger I can fill

REFRAIN:
Lord, grant me courage
Lord, grant me strength
Grant me compassion
That I may be Your heart today

Where there is hate I can confront
Where there are yokes I can release
Where there are captives I can free
And anger I can appease (REFRAIN)

BRIDGE:
When comes the day I dread
To see our broken world
Compel me from my cell grown cold
That Your people I may behold

Where there is fear I can allay
Where there is pain I can heal
Where there are wounds I can bind
And hunger I can fill (REFRAIN)

CODA:
And when I've done all that I could
Yet there are hearts I cannot move
Lord, give me hope
That I may be Your heart today

Mahal ko ang pagtugtog at pagkanta.. Member ako ng choir sa aming simbahan, pati na rin sa HAU Marching Band.

Ang HAU Marching Band. Dati pangarap lang yan pero natupad sa tulong na rin ng aming bandmaster. Ang buhay ko sa kolehiyo ay buhay ko rin bilang isang banda. Maraming masasayang mga araw, mga engagement na aking naranasan. At bilang isang musikero, siguro isa pang kailangan ang pagiging humble. Dahil hindi naman puro saya ang nararamdaman. Meron din kalungkutan. Sa bawat miyembro na umaalis at gumagraduate, hindi mo talaga maalis ang pagkalungkot at pagka miss sa kanila. Kung merong umaalis, meron namang dumaragdag. Sabi ng nila ang tanging permanente lang sa mundo ay pagbabago. Dahil ako rin darating ang araw na gagraduate ako at kailangang magpaalam sa banda. Para naman ito sa ibang mga pangarap ko sa buhay. Sa tagal ng panahon ko bilang isang musikero, ang dami kong natutunan. Kahit napakahirap ng naranasan, kahit pagod man, mangitim dahil sa init ng araw, na minsan wala talagang pagkain, dumating man ang time na kailangan mong umalis, ang masasabi ko lang "treat this as a humbling experience". Kahit gaano pa kahirap ang naranasan mo physically, emotionally at spiritually, maging humble lang siguro kasi mahal mo ang ginagawa mo.

Ang pagkanta siguro ang first love ko. Nag start ako sa choir nung grade 3 ako. 4 years din akong choir sa aming simbahan. Kaya lang dumating ang time na pinapili ako. Kung ang pagtugtog ba o ang pagkanta. Masakit man pero kinailangan kong iwan ang pagkanta. Kinailangan kong iwan ang aking mga kasama na tinuri ko ng mga kapatid.
Hanggang noong 2008, bigla ko lang na miss ang pagkanta at sumali ulit sa choir. Mahal ko talaga ang ginagawa ko kaya hanggang ngayon ay member pa rin ako. Pero walang permanente sa mundo. Baka dumating ang panahon na kailangan na namang umalis para sa ibang mga bagay. Ngunit hindi na siguro maaalis sa akin ang pagmamahal ko sa aming choir, kahit minsan nagmumukha na akong ewan. Pero bakit hindi nagrereklamo? Kasi mahal ko ang ginagawa ko at dito rin ako masaya.

Ganyan ang buhay ng isang musikero, mahirap man ngunit masaya kasi mahal mo ang ginagawa mo. Tiyaga lang, disiplina, humility, willing na matuto at higit sa lahat pagtanggap sa kamalian. Hindi imposible ang pangarap kong maging isang musician. :)

Heto na naman ako, sobrang down ngayon. Na akala ko ay okay na pero hindi pa pala. Takot na naman ako. Anong silbi ng title ng blog ko kung nagkakaganito na naman ako? Tulad pa rin ba ako ng dati? Kailangan ko na naman tandaan ang laging advice ng friend ko, tiwala lagi kay Bro. Kahit minsan naalis iyon pero ginagawan naman ng paraan para lalong mapagtibay ang pagtitiwala.


Bigla ko lang na realize ngayon, marunong lang pala ako ngunit hindi magaling. Ikaw ano ka? Marunong? Magaling? O marunong na, magaling pa?



(Sa mga nakakabasa nito na sana ay meron nga. hahaha! Hindi aksidente ang pagka click sa blog ko. Alam ko may reason lahat. At ngayong na i share ko na sa inyo, gumaan na ang pakiramdam ko. Tapos na ang drama, wag na sanang nega ulit. Thank you!)

Almost one month from now, I will be back to the usual life. Though I thought it will never happen again. But given the chance, I will prove to them that I also deserve to be a CPA. It's my ultimate goal (Seriously!).

Lots of hard works, sacrifices, pain, failures and others that I experienced through out my 4 years in accounting. But nothing can beat the future sacrifices, hard works and all out studies that I will experience in my 5th year life. Seriously, in my 5th yr life as an accountancy student. Really nice to hear? Isn't it? hahaha! I think most of us aims to achieve the 5th year degree. Though some of them failed and others did it, I believe there is a reason behind all those things. Like what happened to me.

A new life, new beginning and a new classmates. I am nervous because it's a totally new environment for me. But with my friends around me, I will adjust as fast as I can and ready to meet new friends and classmates.

My goal is on process right now.

My next step, to be good in my accountancy degree.

Then all the way to the board exam. More hard works and sacrifices.

God is with me all the time!

I just want to share my thoughts on the past Holy Week. As we all know, this is the time to repent and ask for forgiveness for all the sins we've done.. I really learned a lot from this whole week of different celebrations.

From Saturday Night, before Palm Sunday, we are already busy practicing for the said celebration. At first, I don't have the idea on what to sing for the mass because it's my first time to play the piano on Palm Sunday. And I'm thankful, my choir mates are there and they guide me on what to do.

Here is a bit sharing of the past few days..

March 28, 2010 - Palm Sunday (4:30 am)

I was a bit nervous because it is my first time to play for the Palm Sunday Mass. Anyway, I did it well and I'm very thankful because God guides me throughout the mass.
All ends well.

March 29 - 31 2010 Holy Monday, Holy Tuesday and Holy Wednesday

I made a commitment on God and on our priest that we should attend everyday's mass for us to feel the real meaning of lent. Everyday there is a guest priest who will celebrate the mass and give us reflections during homily.
One of the priest ask during mass, and ask us on our dialect(btw, I'm a kapampangan). And here it is(not exactly the question but the thought is there):

Father: Maniwala kayung kaluguran nakayung Hesus? (Do you believe that Jesus loves you?) and he asked some..

One answered : Opo maniwala ku, uling bista man masakit ing bie, atiu ya pa rin kekami, ali nakami paburen. (Yes I believe, though we have a difficult life nowadays, He is always there for us. )

One of them answered: Opo kasi dininan nakung chance na makapag apostolate ku ulit kening Baliti. (Yes, because God gave me a chance once again to render an apostolate service here in Baliti)

Other answered: Opo kaluguran nakung Hesus uling kareng grasyang bibye na kekami. (Yes I believe that Jesus loves me because for all the blessings He's given us.

There are many reasons why Jesus loves us but I think the most important is what the priest told us and exactly the same as my answer.

I really want to answer that time but didn't have the chance to.

And my answered is: Opo maniwala kung kaluguran nakatamung Hesus uling binye ne ing bie na para iligtas nakatamu kareng kasalanan tamu. (Yes I do believe because Jesus gave His life in order for us to be saved.)

The priest said that we should remember that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. And that the Cross became a big part on us Christians especially Catholics. He really saves us and that is the meaning of Lent.

Maundy Thursday - April 1, 2010

The usual celebration of the Catholics. Washing of the feet, Last Supper and Visita Iglesia.

And here are the Parishes that we visited

1) Sto Cristo Del Perdon Parish, City of San Fernando, Pampanga



2) Lord's Ascension Parish, Lourdes Heights CSFP



3) Blessed Trinity Parish, Pillar Village CSFP



4) St Jude Parish - CSFP with Fr. Raul delos Santos




Probably this is the most important parishes we visited because we get to see once again our dear parish priest way back 2000. And after 10 years, we had the chance to have a picture with Among. The same pose we had years ago.









5) St. Augustine Parish, CSFP



6) St Paul's Novitiate

One of my favorite



7) Virgen delos Remedios Parish, CSFP

The most beautiful one and my most favorite. Every year they surprise us because the beauty and creativity of those people behind those structures. Of course this is where I belong. My beloved Parish.






Good Friday - April 2, 2010

It's my first time to watch the Passion of the Christ. This is the best time that we should watch the movie because of the same time that Jesus suffered and died on the cross. To sum up, I cried a lot because I really felt what Christ had to suffer. As if I were on that movie too. It realize me one thing, whatever heartaches and problems I'm suffering right now, we cannot say that we had the worst suffering because no one can experience what Christ had suffered because of our sins.

I did not have the chance to attend the veneration of the cross due to the commitment on our band.

Black Saturday - April 3, 2010

We had the usual celebration as blessing of the Fire (which I became a part of the entrance.

Easter Mass celebration and the Salubong.

As a whole though I have a busy Holy Week, but it is a fruitful one because I learned a lot. And I will learn more on years to come. What is important is that we realize that Jesus suffered for us to be saved.

Thank you and God Bless!

My best friend is a Baptist, I am a Catholic. Though we have different religion, but still this is not a hindrance in our friendship. We respect each other and I think that’s what made our friendship became stronger. We’re best friends for almost 8 years now.(Since 3rd year high school). And you know what, she is one of the person (of course aside from my parents) who made me realize how important God in my life and how important the salvation in our life.



She thought me more about God and salvation. Having a personal relationship with God will strengthen your faith and became a better person.

But at first, I’m not taking it seriously. I do even commit sin (as always). And one of these is cheating during our quiz (that was in high school). She always tells me that cheating is bad and it is a sin. But still, I did it. And you know what’s worse? Our subject then is values ed. This is one of the things I regret most. I even hate myself whenever I remember that.

Until one day I realized to change my bad behavior and renew my faith.(It was on my second year college then). So I decided to take it seriously.

I believe that what happened to me before has a reason. I realized my mistakes and I really ask for forgiveness. Now that I became a better Catholic, a better person and a better servants of God. All of my decisions and actions, I really lift up to God.

I love my religion. But I love God more than anything. Now, I appreciate the importance of being a Catholic. Not the typical ones that others see on us Catholic. We do also have a personal relationship with Him aside from believing in our traditions. It’s not just attending the mass. But a deeper purpose for that. A real purpose of accepting Jesus as our Savior.

And the end of the day, it's not the religion that will save us, but on how you accept Jesus as our Savior that really saves us.

And I was thankful because she became my friend. After all it's not the religion that matters, but what is important is that we have the same connection, and that is Jesus our Savior. And we really understand and respect each other. I really value our friendship.

March 16, 2010

Though I have already an experience working in the real world, but it is really different in nature when you really love what you are doing. And I'm very thankful because they are so nice and I can adjust well even for a short period of time. Though I will stay there for only 25 days, but I will make it sure that those will be a learning experience for me. And also this will be a good experience in years to come. I never imagined that I will have the chance to work in an accounting firm. I really dream of being a CPA and now that I have given the chance to become one, I really make sure that I will do my best to achieve this.

But what is important of all is being humble on everything you're doing.

Never assess yourself as a superior but start this in your level as a beginner and day after day, you can improve yourself and achieve the best for you.

I will always remember what they told me, be humble always. I will remember this for the rest of my life.

Behind those things happened to me in the past especially last 2009, I think God has a reason for all those. At first I really don’t know what that reason is and I keep asking myself, what am I here for? Why are these happening? But after realizing all those mistakes and failures, I learned a lot. I keep on moving on and day after day God reveals me my reason. It’s very hard to accept, though my heart keeps on telling that is ok, but my mind does not. With my personal experience, I think moving on is not an instant. It really takes time to accept the failures. It took me about a year to realize my mistakes and to really accept what happened to me. I always pray to God that one day, He will reveal to me the very reason, and finally He already did. March 02, 2010, after a year God gave me what I deserve, and I believe He really gave me this opportunity. Everybody deserves a second chance. And what I aim last year which I didn’t make it, now I already did. What happened to me last February 14, 2009 and until now, God has a reason. I don’t believe that I got this because of luck. I really want this and this makes me happy. I really did my best and I know I really deserve it. And with the help of God, nothing is impossible. He helped me all the way and His light guides me, and until now, He keeps on guiding me. The light is still there and I will not blow it into darkness.

As a new chapter of my life begin (which I did not expect last year that it will happen again), I will make sure that I will not waste the chance that God gave me. This is another challenge in my life. I will face another sacrifice mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually. Hoping that the light will still be there throughout my journey in life. I thought that it will not happen again, but thank God, it will.

I will not forget what God always tells us, to be humble. And I will surely do these for the Greater Glory of God.

Another chance, another life, another opportunity, another path in my life.

Today is the day, what happened last year is already a history. I will do the best that I can

Thank you so much, BRO!

SGD: Grace Joy Quiambao Roque